


Ethan's Last Trick

by Gileswench



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Challenge Response, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-13
Packaged: 2017-12-04 18:56:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/713929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gileswench/pseuds/Gileswench
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all, what chaos can Ethan cause now?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ethan's Last Trick

**Author's Note:**

> Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it now. All others, ask and ye shall receive.   
> Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.   
> Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.   
> Notes: This one comes to you courtesy of my Twisted Sister, Fabrisse, in thanks for making a donation to my Relay for Life fund. She requested Scooby bonding, Ethan, and a non-smutty rating. She also hoped I wouldn’t be too mean to Riley… but you know how he just sits up and begs, Twistie. I did my best.

It was a dark and stormy night. Oh, not literally, but an angry slayer is the emotional equivalent of atmospheric turbulence.

“Are you completely insane, Giles?” she growled. “You really want to break Ethan Rayne – the man who just a few weeks ago turned you into a demon to make me kill you – out of the army base where he’s finally being punished for everything he did? Did you eat a big bowl of stupid for breakfast this morning or what?”

Giles sighed and polished his glasses. He’d known from the beginning that this was going to be a hard sell. For once, taking off the glasses wasn’t about embarrassment. He just didn’t want to see the angry and frightened expressions around him when he dropped the other bomb on them.

“I gotta go with the Buffster on this,” Xander said. “We’ve only known him for a couple years and he’s almost gotten someone in this room killed at least four times. You’ve known him for decades. How many times does this make for you?”

“And what’s going to stop him trying to kill us all again?” Willow piped up. “I don’t know about you guys, but I was done with Ethan when he made us all our Halloween costumes. Being a ghost is not the fun-filled experience you might think.”

“Besides, he still owes me for that tattoo I had to get lasered off the back of my neck,” Buffy said. “He made me lose out on a killer pair of boots with that.”

“Not to mention almost getting you killed by a demon,” Willow reminded her.

“Yeah, that, too.”

“I know all of this just as well as any of you do,” Giles said in the quiet voice that meant he meant business. “I know a great deal more than that, as well. Yes, Ethan can be dangerous, even in his present condition…”

“Wait a minute,” Buffy said. “What ‘present condition’ would that be?”

“I think you’d better come clean, Ripper.”

The Scoobies turned their heads as one at the raspy remains of the voice that had struck terror into their hearts more than once.

“Ethan, you should be in bed,” Giles chided him mildly.

Buffy looked daggers at Giles.

“You already broke him out?”

“No,” Giles said. “Ethan broke himself out. I only told you I thought he should come here… which he’s already done.”

“And… and… you’re letting him be here in your house?” Willow squeaked. “Giles, did Buffy get your breakfast menu right?”

“I promise to be on my very best behavior,” Ethan said as he allowed Giles to help him ease into a chair. “You see, it’s in my best interests and the one thing I never go against is my own best interests.”

“Yeah, and what best interests are those?” Xander sneered.

“He’s dying,” Buffy said bluntly.

“Got it in one, little slayer. It’s the big C and it’s far too late to do anything about it. I’ve come here to die in the arms of, well, pretty much the only person on this sorry plane who’ll still help me if I’m in wretched enough shape.” He looked up pathetically. “Ripper, old man, do you think you might get me a cup of tea? I’m parched.”

Without a word, Giles repaired to the kitchen to brew a fresh pot. The Scoobies continued to glare en masse at Ethan.

“Oh, don’t be afraid,” he said. “I’m utterly helpless now. Chaos has bitten me at last, like a stray dog that turns on those who help it. You’d think after all those coffin nails I’ve smoked for decades it would be my lungs to give out, but it seems my malady is centered in the brain. It’s slowly turning to Swiss cheese and I’ve always bloody hated the Swiss.”

“Well don’t expect any sympathy from me,” Anya said. “You nearly killed someone my boyfriend cares about a lot!”

“And you turned me into a ghost,” Willow added.

“And me into a soldier… though I have to admit that was cool for a little while… but you also tried to feed innocent babies to a huge demon,” Xander said angrily.

“Oh, and that apparently had to involve my watcher sleeping with my mother,” Buffy said. “And you nearly got me killed by the demon you raised.”

“Your precious Giles was in on that one, too, don’t forget,” Ethan said with a little of his old silky taunting tone.

“I’ll tell you what I won’t forget,” Buffy said. “I won’t forget that you tried to get me to kill Giles. After that, as far as I’m concerned, you can go straight to hell. And I say that as someone who’s gone and lived to tell the tale. In fact, hell’s too good for you. There just isn’t a worse place I know of.”

Giles returned to the room with a new pot of tea and set it on the coffee table.

“I told you they wouldn’t go for it,” he said mildly as he poured Ethan a cup and handed it to him.

“No, your annoying little gang of kids are far too predictable,” Ethan sighed.

“One of their finer qualities.” Giles smiled at his friends. “Of course, another of their finer qualities is their boundless compassion.”

“Hey! My compassion has all sorts of bounds,” Anya said.

“Mine, too,” Xander agreed.

Willow looked a little less certain. Buffy glared warily at her watcher, but didn’t say anything for the moment. Giles knew when to make his case, and this was it. If Buffy stopped protesting, he could talk to her, and once she was on his side, all the rest would easily fall into place.

“Right now,” Giles said, “Spike is helpless. We haven’t killed him.”

“I don’t know about helpless,” Buffy grumbled. “He can cause a hell of a lot of mayhem even with the chip in his head.”  
“But he can’t kill anything outright,” Giles said. “And when we discovered that, we not only didn’t kill him, we took him in and protected him.”

“I know that,” Buffy said. “Sometimes I still can’t believe it, but that’s what we did.”

“And Buffy, I hate to bring it up, but when Angel came back from hell, you took care of him and we didn’t even know if he was still Angelus or not,” Willow piped up. “I still think it was kinda dumb, but you did that.”

“Are we still talking about that?” Buffy asked angrily. “Really?”

“What we’re talking about, Buffy, is hope and trust and generosity,” Giles said. “Three attributes you have in plenty.”

Buffy snorted.

“Oh give it up, Ripper,” Ethan sighed. “The quality of Buffy’s mercy is so strained you could feed it to a toddler.”

“Oh yeah,” said Buffy. “Well get this, Ethan, Giles is taking care of you until you go to the black hole you so richly deserve, and we’re all going to help him with that. Just remember it’s because we care about Giles, not you. For all anyone other than Giles cares you could end your days in a ditch crying for your mommy.”

“And then your mommy could come along and kick you in the nuts,” Xander added. “But I’m in for Giles.”

“Me, too,” Willow said. “For Giles, not you.”

Anya rolled her eyes.

“I want it on record that I don’t do diapers, feedings, or bedtime stories for people who have tried to hurt Xander,” she said. “But if Xander wants me to, I’ll help out.”

Just then the door burst open and Riley rushed in.

“Buffy, Giles, I’ve got bad news. Remember that Ethan Rayne guy we locked up a couple weeks ago….”

Riley noticed the figure sitting in the chair calmly sipping tea.

“What’s he doing here?”

Riley watched the little group close ranks before his eyes. He’d already named this phenomenon ‘the Scooby curtain’ in his mind.

“He’s dying,” Buffy said gently. “And we’re taking care of him until the end.”

“Don’t fuss,” Willow said. “He can’t do much anymore, and we’re all used to dealing with oogie boogies.”

“Tea, Riley?” Giles offered. “I made it just a few minutes ago.”

The soldier shook his head in disbelief.

“I don’t get you guys,” he said. “Two weeks ago you were gonna kill him, Buffy, and Giles, you wanted to watch our guys manhandle him. Now you’re giving him tea and kissing his boo-boos? Is there something I’m missing here? You people are out of your minds.”

“No we’re not, Riley,” Buffy said. “We’re doing this for Giles. And if you can’t understand that….”

“Then I guess I’d better go,” he finished. “We’ll talk later. Won’t we?”

“Sure. Later. I’m gonna need to be here for a while.”

“If you’d like to go now, Buffy, I don’t think anyone will object,” Giles said. “Everyone needn’t stay right at this moment.”

“No, we need to work out a lot with this,” Buffy said. “I’ll stay until we have a plan.”

Riley shook his head and left.

From his chair, Ethan smiled. It might be a small bit of chaos he’d just set into motion, but he saw an ugly break up and a miserable slayer down the line.

Who could ask for more from a swan song?


End file.
